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Bye bye Jenny

2 August, 2010

No don’t worry. She’s still alive and we’re still together. She’s just off holidaying in Alaska for the next three weeks – so it’s just Toby and I. Misty is recovering from an illness and bad back so she’s staying with Jenny’s mum.

Surprisingly I’m not missing Jenny. Ok, that sounds bad. I am missing her, but I’m not really down and depressed about it. I know the feeling I would have felt if I weren’t on anti-depressants. I was anticipating it but it didn’t happen. Fingers crossed I’ll stay above the yellow line for the next few weeks.

I’m treating this time as a freeze and a time-out. Not that I needed Jenny out of the house but I’m hoping to use this alone time to help address some of the questions and issues that have been bothering me recently. I want to break my typical routine in the evenings and weekends and spend more time reading, meditating, exercising, researching, listening to music, playing music, thinking about my future and blogging. It’s not that Jenny was getting in the way of me accomplishing this change – it’s just that her absence has caused the disruption that will shake me out of the rut so I can get all meta about my life and rethink my position and goals.

For example, last Friday a recruiter called me about a potential role which I automatically put myself forward for. Luckily the fax didn’t go through because today I woke up to myself and realised I absolutely didn’t want that role. This is part of my problem! I don’t have a strong idea of where I want to go with my career and thus even less idea of how to get there – so I’m just jumping sideways from one role to another without moving forward. Career isn’t the only aspect I’m concerned about but it is pretty important to me – it’s not just my 9-5. It’s how I play too. Design is my passion. I’m always thinking about design, blogging about it, living it. I don’t even like using the word “career” … it makes me feel so dirty giving such high priority to career because our society isn’t particularly kind to “career-obsessed” people who it is assumed choose career at the cost of shunning responsibilities to their families.

There are other things too like where do I want to live. Jenny and I have tossed around the idea of a 12-month working holiday overseas and have been looking at Christchurch, New Zealand. Sounds great, but I haven’t taken the time to really think about what that means, what impact that’ll have on us now and in the future and whether it’s a strategically good move. I know it sounds wanky to be talking about strategy when you’re talking about your own life but that’s exactly what I want to be doing more of, to have a clearer picture and enjoy life more. I’m feeling pent up about the lack of creative outlet in my life and that’s something I want to address by spending more time practicing art such as music without regimenting it and setting aside a one hour slot every evening.

So, some stuff to figure out.

Ideas, my wise friends?

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